The time in-between school and university can be a dangerous time
An important warning for parents of children who have just finished year 12.
You’d think that the January and early February period would be the time of your young adult’s life — they’re finished study, and free to do whatever they want. They should be relaxing, and yet it is often a time of lower mood for some.
In fact, I find that often this is the time when children are most at risk of self-harm or contemplating more permanent methods of ending their current issues. Why now?
Year 12 and their university years are often filled with major highs and lows. They’ve got through the workload, got through their crazy study timetable, managed exams, then partied and celebrated with their peers. They’ve also had their summer holiday, caught up with the family over Christmas and the New Year, and had the solidly good moments of their break.
They’ve also received their final Year 12 results, university or TAFE placement, and now they will just wait. In fact, university students might have a whole three months of holidays to do whatever they want.
But the problem is after all that excitement, suddenly things can become very quiet and the older teen or adult suddenly has nothing to do. That free time can produce a whole range of problems for the person with a mind that tends toward anxiety or depression.
When life is busy, it is very easy to put all of your energy into tasks at hand. Sometimes anxious people are never feeling better about things then when they have urgent things to do. That’s because their worries are all channelled into their pressing responsibilities.
In these times, if they have any feelings of fear, there will be a really good reason for them, ‘Of course I am worried, I have exams next week’.
When you take away all of their challenges and extreme joys, their underlying anxious tendencies sometimes have no place to go to. Suddenly, they can start to obsess easily over very minor things — just to channel their constant apprehension into something. They might fixate over the inconsequential thing their friend said or be excessively worried about their social standing or what might happen in the course they are about to undertake.
These fears might get out of hand easily and they can start to think, “What is wrong with me? The tricky part is over and yet I don’t feel great.’
Even people who are prone to melancholy, might have nowhere to put all the slightly sad feelings they waved away months ago as being due to studying so much and not having fun. If they still are having those feelings that’s going to make them feel worse and think there is something wrong with them.
Many parents aren’t as much on the lookout for their teen or young adult in these free times, but I urge you to keep an eye on them and see how your child is going.
Make sure they are busy enough so that they don’t have endless amounts of thinking time. Don’t allow the days to stretch endlessly for them to be just sitting in front of the TV or on the computer.
Keep checking in with them. Do things side by side, such as cook meals together or go for a sunset walk. You want to keep dialogue open in a non-confrontational way.
If they do seem down have a conversation with them that is more explicit. There are some further ideas about this in another column I wrote here.
And if they do report heightened anxiety or depression? As a first step, get them to be busier. Talk to them about having less time to be in their head. Encourage the basics of wellbeing such as exercise, and new purpose and genuine achievements.
Strongly encourage them to put their screens down more purposefully and deliberately do other things. Have them join a gym and start an exercise program. Encourage them to undertake some volunteer work or offer to mow the neighbours’ yards. Find something in the house you can pay them to do, such as painting a room or creating a garden bed.
If things are more serious, get them help. Take them to the GP, find a psychologist, if you can. If it gets so bad that they are feeling hopeless, take them emergency room at the hospital.
Takeaway for parent
Have a young adult on extended holidays?
· Ideally, they should get a part time job to keep them busy. A full-time holiday job is ideal, particularly if they are saving for something. There are many vacancies they can take advantage of currently.
· If they can’t get a part-time job, keep them busy. Get them to tackle the mess in the garage or spare room or do some gardening. They can earn some money for this — which makes it even more beneficial for them.
· Give them daily chores they have to do. If they are over 18, technically they should be doing as many chores as you are. Have them cook meals, clean areas, do the washing on a daily basis, and regularly contribute to the household.
