Is your adult child living at home but behaving like a child?

Time to grow an adult.

Photo by Drew Coffman on Unsplash

A few years ago, a friend of mine went on a date with a man who was a bit of an artist. All went well until his current living arrangements came up. To her horror, she discovered he was a 33-year-old man still living with his parents and sharing a room with his brother. This wasn’t a temporary situation, but an arrangement unchanged for the entirety of his life. Suddenly his career, or lack thereof, made sense.

I understand why adult children may be living with their parents at ages where they would be normally moving out. With housing prices skyrocketing, low wages, and people staying longer at university, then living with your parents into your 20s becomes more understandable.

But my concern, echoed in my clinical experience, is the type of arrangement which is set up between parents and their adult children. Too often, it isn’t ideal for anyone — particularly parents.

The fundamental problem is a mismatch between their rights and responsibilities. Often, they have adult rights but are only undertaking child responsibilities. That is, they can invite friends over, drink alcohol, and have their partners stay over, but they still leave their dishes in the sink or bedroom and expect parents to do their laundry. Or sulk when their favourite…