How to alert your child they’ve made a mistake, without shame
It’s a fine balance, but an essential one.
Shame is a tricky emotion. It can be a helpful one to alert a person that they have done the wrong thing to others, and need to fix their behaviour. But if the intensity of shame is too much, then a person’s perceived inadequacies might become overwhelming, to the point that they think that they are not acceptable to others.
Because of this, many parents find it hard to get criticism right with children. How much disapproval do you give your child when they have done the wrong thing? And how do you make sure you don’t go too far to the point where your child starts having excessive shame about a minor mistake, and believe that they’re a somewhat flawed person?
Let’s look at an example to help parents get the balance right. Imagine it’s a morning just before school. A parent gives an instruction to their 10-year-old, Alex, to put some water into the dog bowl, which is running a little low on such a hot day. But when the parent gets home after dropping their child off at school, they find that the child has not done the chore.
It’s clearly a teachable moment. Alex has not done what they should have done, and this could have been a huge impact on a loved family pet, if not corrected in time. The…
