Ambition via popularity — the foundation of cyberbullying
Last time, I described a teen situation where a simple disagreement of ideas had made the more popular friend ask people to take sides on social media. It had moved beyond a poll into cyberbullying.
But when there’s cyber bullying there’s also a cyber bully. So, what makes a child more likely to do so, particularly online?
Social media is a tool for reassurance. Provoking reactions in others gives people a powerful dopamine hit, like when a large group agrees with you or laughs at your joke.
For many people this is addictive stuff. Ideally, it’s used for good, like re-connecting with friends and family. But some might want to build a large following and evoke responses to build social power … enter bullying.
Bullying is very complex behaviour and there’s not usually a simple trigger for it. But there are some contributing factors.
Many people think of the bully as the kid with low self-esteem who needs to be aggressive to have any social capital. But research doesn’t back this up. In fact, popular children are more likely to bully.
But let’s be clear with what popularity means first. Popular kids are not always liked kids. There are many kids who are viewed as popular but more because they are highly visible or impactful on the peer group. These children are sought out because they carry social capital.
A child might prefer to be friends with a well-liked and empathetic child, but they might need to be friends with the not-so-liked child who has power in the peer group. This might be for social protection from being ostracised or picked on.
There’s also a distinction in someone’s motivation to be prominent with their peers. Children who aspire to be popular as a means of achieving and maintaining positive relationships are much less likely to bully. Those who want to be popular to achieve power, status, or influence have a greater likelihood to bully.
Once a child acquires popularity as a means of power, typically they must work hard to maintain this status. This is often by deliberately choosing people in a lower position than themselves to bully. This display is a means of demonstrating and perpetuating their social power.
Sometimes they also try to maintain their standing by directly attacking those they see as threats to their elevated status. Their targets might have similar skills or interests as them, such as also being a good sportsperson or academically accomplished.
Indeed, in last week’s cyberbullying scenario, the difference in opinion was possibly on a topic in which the popular child needed to dominate. This may have made them react more, as they saw disagreement as threatening their standing.
Bullying in the company of others is a lucrative public display of strength. Cyberbullying has greater payoff as the audience is potentially limitless.
Disagreements on the internet are often particularly vicious because the cyber environment reduces one’s normal disinhibition to victimise others. When online, many people experience decreased levels of empathy for those they target.
Students not appropriately supervised when online are more likely to cyberbully others. Those who have difficulty regulating their emotions are also more at risk.
Older students, particularly those repeating the year, have increased likelihood of bullying peers. They may feel peer intimidation lessens their academic embarrassment. Many bullies themselves have had experiences of being bullied, and target those more vulnerable to regain a sense of control.
Peer group status is complex and somewhat difficult to change. If a child sees a chance to gain valuable prominence by being nasty, then motivational chats about how we should all get along might not do much. But I include some tips below.
Takeaway for parents
Bullying is multifaceted and treatment is tricky. These things might help.
· Bullying should not be seen as just a part of growing up or brought on by the victim.
· Accurate parent education will help identify bullying correctly.
· Bullying has three essential elements — it must be deliberate, repeated, and representing an imbalance of power.
· It is not just a one-off disagreement between friends.
· A collaborative approach between home and school is essential for harm minimisation and appropriate restorative practices.
· Trust teachers when they say your child is bullying or being bullied — the school has no reason to lie.
